Critical self-reflection

Personal reflection: Looking backward and moving forward

Part of the reason I wanted to challenge myself with this blog series is to ensure I’m continuing to reflect and learn.

I’ve always struggled to write, think, reflect in the third person. Which, come to think of it, is probably why I haven’t ever managed to get any of my research project ideas out of my head and onto paper. Everything IS personal for me.

The relationships I build at work, are relationships with me, not with the library. Each relationship built with individuals within a library can lead, over time, to a broader trust in the library as an institution. But it starts personal. And it starts with reflection.

Reflecting together

I don’t know how I missed the cultural protocols Nathan Sentance wrote for the University of Sydney Library, but so much of it resonates with what I’d like to see happening at libraries across the country. One line resonated above all others:

“create space for organisational critical self-reflection about its practices.”

Self-reflection, imho, is the only way to successfully grow. So as an organisation, we need self-reflection built into our workflows and planning, built into our workplace culture.

Own voices

Nathan Sentance (with University of Sydney Library) Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Cultural Protocols https://doi.org/10.25910/hrdq-9n85

No wildcard needed

Boolean

Like most librarians I know, I love a well constructed search string. Get me some ANDs and ORs, group some terms in “quotation marks”, use a wildcard or two… Damn, can you hear my heart racing?

But there is one search that I actively discourage the use of a truncation tool.

I would never say that word

So why would we be searching for literature that uses a racist word?

Aboriginal does not need to be truncated.

Sure, I’ll search for (Aboriginal OR Indigenous OR “Torres Strait Islander”) and I’ll include name of Country, or First Nation, depending on the search context. But there is NO need to search for Aborigin* unless, of course, you are searching for very old resources. Or if you want the racist point of view. If an article has been recently written and uses the term ‘aborigine,’ I don’t want to reference it.

Own Voices

Still researching this one… please stand by!This article does give some good background reading about decolonising education:Martin, B., Stewart, G., Watson, B. K., Silva, O. K., Teisina, J., Matapo, J., & Mika, C. (2019). Situating decolonization: An Indigenous dilemma. Educational Philosophy and Theory, 52(3), 312–321. https://doi.org/10.1080/00131857.2019.1652164

Afraid of saying the wrong thing

Fear as an excuse

I am often afraid of saying the wrong thing. When parenting, when meeting people, when helping students, and especially, when talking about Indigenous Knowledge. So here’s the thing. I think I’ve been using my fear of saying the wrong thing as an excuse.

Speaking up is a luxury

I don’t want to speak for other people. I want to amplify marginalised voices, not speak for them. That’s what I tell myself. But the reality is, when push comes to shove, I have stayed silent because I don’t feel like I am the best person to speak up. Time to call bullshit on my silence.

If I have the luxury of an audience, I should do what I can, and accept, that often I will say the wrong thing but hopefully it is better than saying nothing.

Shawn Wilson, a phenomenal researcher whom I have the pleasure of knowing, says that we don’t need more allies or advocates, we need more accomplices. We need people willing to go out there and make a stand. And take the blame if need be.

And so I start a series of blog posts about being a white librarian in Australia, an accomplice for Indigenous Knowledge.

I come with my lens, my background, my privilege. When I know of own-voice resources , I will try to refer. And I will get it wrong, but that doesn’t mean I’m allowed to stay quiet.

Own voices

There are so many fantastic people in this space but I will highlight two who carry far more than their fair share of the education load in the GLAM sector in Australia: Kristen Thorpe and Nathan Sentence. Go read what they’ve written and listen to what they’ve said before asking more questions.

Adding a quite from a post that I just read this eve (18/6/21), interview with Ione Damasco:

But the majority of this work should not fall on the same people every single time—what are institutions doing to build capacity among all of their workers to do this work authentically and effectively?

https://acrl.ala.org/acrlinsider/val-spotlight-series-practices-of-equity-social-justice-ione-damasco/

So many drafts

What is the point of having a blog that you never publish in?

I have so many posts unpublished because they are really just thoughts that have gone through my brain and second-guessed sharing. Why question? Sometimes my concerns have revolved around oversharing, sometimes there is a privacy factor, but more often than not it has been because I don’t think what I’m saying has any value.

And I might be right. I don’t promote this blog; I don’t share the posts. So what am I actually adding to the conversation?

Well, no time like the present, right?

Publishing this one before it becomes yet another draft post.

Downtime

As a parent of two lower primary-aged kids, I see the importance of unstructured downtime. Time for play. Time for reading and drawing. Time for boredom.

But as an adult, I haven’t quite mastered given myself the same consideration. I work part-time, I volunteer, I am actively engaged in my children’s lives, I manage my house, I try to read for professional and personal development. But do I give myself downtime? No.

Take right now, for instance. Sure, I am lying on the couch as the chilli simmers on the stove; but, my brain is going a mile a minute.

I met a mum the other day who, when I gave her an empathetic smile about as she struggled with her child’s tantrum told me “the doctor tells me she would be better if I exercise more.” And I swapped a story about the child psychologist who asked me if I’d considered seeing a psychologist myself.

OF COURSE, WE KNOW WE NEED TO TAKE BETTER F’ING CARE OF OURSELVES!

Most parents see the necessity of downtime and leisure. Both for their kids and themselves. But practically and emotionally, sometimes it is just too damn hard to make time for yourself.

Update: 4 months later

I drafted the above post four months ago, but never posted it.

Today, as I relax with my coffee on a Saturday morning, I thought I’d see what drafts I had on my blog and found this one.

Relax with my coffee??? Yeah, not really. What I really mean is hide in the other room while I listen to the kids screaming at each other.

But I did attend a yoga/meditation class last week. The first in 6 years. And I believe the meltdown I had at work the next day was directly correlated.

Herein lies the problem with self-care: it opens the floodgates of emotion. If I just keep busy and don’t think about it, I can manage. But as soon as I acknowledge the need to take care of myself, faaaark! So be warned, family, friends and coworkers, the floodgates are opening, and it is going to get messy.

2017 – Year for Feminism

Immersion in feminism in 2017

I’m probably not the only one feeling like 2017 is the year to re-embrace feminism. Not that I’ve ever abandoned it, but I haven’t been actively reading and immersing myself in feminist culture probably since I was a teenager. But with the political situation in the USA, it feels like the right time to engage again with this material and question even further the world around me.

I’ve put together a reading list to get me started. Maybe listening (music and podcasts) and watching (films, tv shows and speeches) lists will follow but that’ll take a bit more research and it looks like I’ll be busy reading for awhile!

Feminist Reading List

This is a personal list of what I want to read (or reread) and I am sure there are more extensive and more focused lists out there. This list is just a a mix, in no particular order, of fiction and non-fiction that I am going to try to read in the next 11 months (quite a challenge seeing as in the past 5 years of motherhood I’ve probably only managed to get through a handful of books).

I Am Malala: The Story of the Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban by Malala Yousafzai

My Life on the Road by Gloria Steinem

Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference by Cordelia Fine

A Little F’d Up: Why Feminism Is Not a Dirty Word by Julie Zeilinger

Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy

Generation Roe: Inside the Future of the Pro-Choice Movement by Sarah Erdreich

We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo by Amy Schumer

Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay

Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism by bell hooks

The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir

The Stone Angel by Margaret Laurence

Feminism is for Everybody: Passionate Politics by bell hooks

The Woman Warrior by Maxine Hong Kingston

Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde

I Am Woman: A Native Perspective on Sociology and Feminism by Lee Maracle

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

Men Explain Things To Me by Rebecca Solnit

Fight Like A Girl by Clementine Ford

The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf

The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan

The Edible Woman by Margaret Atwood

How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran

Damned Whores and God’s Police by Anne Summers

Matilda by Roald Dahl

Making Space for Indigenous Feminism by Joyce Green

Notorious RBG: The Life and Times of Ruth Bader Ginsburg by Irin Carmon, Shana Knizhnik

Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson

Over the past year there have been so many books added to my reading lists… here are just a few of the places where the books on this list came from:

• Amelia Bloomer Lists
• Know Your Feminisms (New York Public Library)
• 12 essential books every modern feminist should read
• 21 Books Every Woman Should Read In Her Lifetime

What would be on your list?

Is there anything better than watching kids reenact picture books?

I didn’t think so.

A new book in the house means it MUST be read at least 5 times a day for the first few days. And this makes sense, how else are they going to memorise it and reenact it?

This week’s book of choice is Oliver Jeffers’ Once Upon An Alphabet. It has a little story for every letter of the alphabet so they haven’t learned them all yet. But we’ve only had the book for three days.

The best thing about this book, and many of Jeffers’ books, is how the characters are repeated throughout, some visiting from his other books. Our new favourite duo is the Owl and the Octopus. This duo has been racing around the house solving all sorts of problems: finding cucumbers, fixing cups, etc.

Sleepytime songs

Tonight as I was putting the girls to bed, miss-almost-four asked me to sing the song I used to sing when she was just a little baby. This got me thinking about how our bedtime song routine has changed over the years and how I’ve come up with some really good combinations of songs to sing them to sleep.

Now if I actually had any talent I might video myself and put up YouTube clips, instead, I’ll just make a list (and you’ll have to make up your own tune for the ones that I’ve invented).

Bedtime songs
– Au Clair De La Lune
– Frere Jacques
– Hush Little Baby (momma’s going to buy you a mockingbird)
– Another Day Has Passed (this was a song I found in the brilliant book by Jane Cobb, What’ll I do with the Babyo, and she didn’t have the music in there so I’ve made up my own tune)
– Twinkle twinkle little star (we do this science version at night: http://mamasdukesofhazard.blogspot.com.au/2011/06/twinkle-twinkle-little-star.html)
– La La Lou (from the movie Lady & the Tramp)
– Time For Bed (actually a picture book by Mem Fox that I’ve turned into a song)

What’s your favourite bedtime song?

Self saucing microwave pudding; or Why I need to start exercising

Two blog posts that I’ve been meaning to write lately are probably connected so I guess it makes sense to join them.

Exercise. Something I haven’t really ever done consciously, it’s just always been part of my lifestyle – biking/walking to work. Although my two munchkins keep me moving plenty I’m feeling now that my youngest is one it’s time to focus on that pregnancy belly. So when I stumbled on to this link to fighting belly fat exercises the other day, I thought I should give it a go. Time will tell if I stick with it, and if it makes a difference, but maybe by writing it down here I’ve got a better chance of keeping it up.

Now, enter the evil microwave self-saucing chocolate pudding. Seriously. My belly fat does not need any help! But this is just so darn easy and SO good! I can’t even remember how I came across this recipe but it is decadent.

I basically follow what is in the linked blog post, summarised here:

Mix equal parts (~ 1.5 Tbsp): sugar, cocoa, self-raising flour, milk

Sprinkle with: /li> 1 tsp cocoa, 1 Tbsp brown sugar, 1 Tbsp water

Zap it for 30-40 seconds

Top with a little ice cream, or even milk, and enjoy!

Made this today while both girls napped and added a few pieces of chopped pear. Yum!

Too hot to roast the chicken

We’re working on budget meals in my house these days so when I saw a plump looking chicken in the shops for a good price I thought a roast chook would make a perfect mid week meal. Trouble is, we are having a bit of a heat wave so I didn’t want to turn on the oven…

Enter the BBQ. No rotisserie spit in our hand-me-down barbecue so it was time for me to learn how to butterfly a bird.

Yes, I’m 37 and I’ve never butterflied a chicken. Heck, most of the time I buy boneless/skinless breast and thighs so I don’t need to deal with the raw meat more than necessary. I have to admit – I liked chopping this bird up. Maybe I’ve become less squeamish or maybe I’m just more ready to accept where my food is coming from, but I liked preparing the chicken pieces myself.

I followed these instructions for how to flatten a chicken, and used the honey balsamic glaze from that same recipe when barbecuing. I ended up just cutting it into quarters instead of leaving the two halves since by the time I’d taken out the backbone and breast plate they were only held together by skin.

Easy, delicious, and economical.